What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 09:23
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Why did you put a guy’s dick in your mouth the first time?
I couldn’t, believe it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I don,t even have a pension.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
What is the most heartbreaking thing your child has told you?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
When she asked me how she looked .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
So whats the point in blame.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
What was your worst experience while living with roommates?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Is The Last of Us Part 2 really as woke as people say it is?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But, we were locked up after school.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She found it foreign!.
I was seconnd youngest,
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I waited trembling.
Why are white women not interested in dating Asian men? Are they not attractive to you at all?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I think the readers, may guess!
I’m running away I live in Indiana what states near by are safe I’m 12 no comments?
I was very sick at this time too.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Put me off passion for life!!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Who then, do I blame.?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We were not on the streets..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She married twice! .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He knew the spot.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
All the time i was locked up.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As i do to all so called friends.?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And i lived it daily.
I could never make a relationship work though!
We all went to grammer schools
She loved him until the end.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She was in good health!
Ive learnt so much.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Would this be the day?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I write beautiful poetry .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I have no regrets .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My life is so biszare .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
What did i know ?
My family never makes their pension either.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was scared of men, in general
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
So, i spoilt her more .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I said to her
One cannot live in the past .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
It was going to be , some day.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She wouldn,t have been !
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I will be 64.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But it wasn’t much.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Especially a lifetime of it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
This is soul school!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was 9 years of age.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Was to survive, this bastard.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im still living with it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But ive been too sick for many years..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Comes on , in middle age.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.